When Angel's fall
by Shadow0918
Summary: Buffy goes searching for Spike and finds so much more
1. Default Chapter

Buffy paced up and down the hall in front of the Ballet studio where her little sister Dawn had class. She was despondent as she thought about her love and how she'd ruined it for something meaningless and petty, okay so maybe her relationship with her watcher was a pretty important reason, but she was tired of loosing relationships to this job. 

" I hate this job, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it." She grumbled her eyes filling with tears. 

" Buffy what are you talking about?" Dawn asked coming out of the room, she didn't know what was up with her little sister right now but she knew something was wrong, Buffy had been acting weird ever since Spike had left without a word. 

"Nothing Dawn, come on let's go!" Buffy bit out trying not to get any angrier than she had to. 

" What do you mean nothing you were talking to yourself." Dawn asked a little nervously, as she tucked a strand of long blond hair behind her ear. 

" I said nothing Dawn now get your things so we can get out of here." Buffy growled trying to ignore her sister's ramblings. 

" Yes Ma'am I'm ready to go now." Dawn gasped a little hurt at her sister's deception. " You know if you ever need to talk to anyone I'm here. I might be your younger sister but you can talk to me." 

Buffy just walked away she knew she would have to talk about it, she just wasn't quite ready to face the fact that he was gone, and she didn't know where he was. She'd thought about going to Angel and trying to find Spike through him, but then she would have to tell Giles about the whole thing and wasn't that the reason she'd ruined everything between them in the first place? 

" Buffy did you love Spike?" Dawn asked a little nervously she really didn't want her older sister to go off on her for anything. 

" Yeah Dawn I did, I didn't say anything to anyone because I thought it would piss everyone off but now, now all I know is it hurts to be without him and I want to find him." Buffy told her little sister easily. 

" I think you should find him. Spike is a good guy and I think that you two make a great couple, I mean the UST between you two is so thick that you could cut it with a knife." Dawn giggled as Buffy began to blush. 

" UST Dawn what how do you know what U.S.T is?" Buffy asked a little surprised. 

"I am thirteen years old, Unresolved Sexual Tension is a pretty comman theory what with Dawson's Creek and Passions being so popular and all." Dawn informed her smartly. 

" Oh really well how would you suggest that I try to find Spike?" Buffy asked as they walked in the house. 

" Well I think the best place to look would be L.A., you know Spike he'll probably go to L.A. and try to pump information out of Angel." Dawn suggested putting her bag down on the floor and walking into the room. 

" Yeah I think so to but do you have any suggestions about how I could find him." She ran up to her room and pulled a duffel bag out from under her bed and began filling it with clothes. Dawn followed behind her. 

" Well maybe you should do what you were going to do in the first place, I mean think about it who would be the first person Spike would think to go to when he got to L.A.?" Dawn asked flopping down onto Buffy's bed. 

" You're right I mean he would go to Angel to tell him all about how much he hates him." Buffy replied with a little pride she liked the fact that Spike was able to retain his sense of humor even when he was hurting. 

" So when are we leaving?" Dawn asked nosily. 

"What do you mean when are we leaving?" Buffy retorted " You are staying here with Xander and Anya so they can watch you." 

" No, Mom's out of town and you know as well as I do that Mom will have a fit if you leave me here." Dawn taunted knowingly. She knew that Buffy would rather face a whole mess of vampires than their mothers wrath. 

Buffy sighed and slowly relented knowing that Dawn was right and her mother would throw a hissy fit if she left Dawn there without her there, " All right grab some clothes but you have to stay out of the way, I'm not going to mess with you while I'm there." 

" Yes Buffy." Dawn huffed stalking out of the room to pack. 

" Sisters" Buffy grumbled as she picked up the phone to call Giles and inform him that she was going to look for Spike. " Giles... " 

Giles was surprised to hear his Slayer's voice coming through the phone " Yes is there something wrong?" 

" No I'm okay listen I'm going to L.A. tonight." Buffy just flat out told him. 

" Why is something wrong with Angel?" He asked starting to pace his living room. 

" Well no I need to find Spike." Buffy flat out told him running her fingers through her golden blond hair. 

" Um and might I ask why?" Giles asked a little disconcerted as far as he knew Buffy and Spike couldn't stand each other. 

" Well I'm kinda sorta love him." Buffy threw out without much preamble. 

" Oh dear lord." Giles murmered sitting down on his couch " Did you just say you were in love with Spike?" 

" Um yeah I kinda realized it after Riley left, I would go to Spike's crypt and we would dance to this song and then the other night I realized that I was in love with him." Buffy gushed then went on and said " Then I ran out because I was afraid of what everyone would say and I decided that it didn't matter to me what you thought because I love Spike and I don't want to live without him." 

With that said Buffy hung up the phone and turned away breathlessly. Giles just sat there looking at the phone in his hand dumbfounded at what he'd just heard. Buffy had already packed her bag and rushed Dawn out of the house by the time Giles thought to call back. 

" Umm Buffy is there any reason why you just hung up on Giles?" Dawn asked as they got into the car. 

" Yeah I thought we should go, plus I didn't really want to talk to him right now." Buffy explained putting the car in gear. 

" Okay, so how long will it take us to get there?" Dawn asked settling into the seat of the car and wiggling around until she got comfortable. 

"About an hour to an hour and a half." Buffy replied shifting the car fron drive and into neutral. 

" Okay well I'm going to sleep until we get there." Dawn mumbled as already falling into a deep sleep. 

Buffy drove a long in silence thinking about how she couldn't wait until she got to L.A. she really wanted to see Spike and tell him that she was in love with him and never wanted to let him go. All of the sudden she started singing the words to another song Spike used to listen to all the time. 

_If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?_

_I must be travling on now, cause there's to many places I've got to see_

_If I stay here with you girl, things just wouldn't be the same_

_Cause I'm as free as a bird now and this bird you'll never change_

_Lord know's I can't change. _

_Bye bye babe it's been a sweet love_

_Though these feeling's I've got to change_

_Please don't take it so badly _

_Cause lord know's I'm to blame_

_but if I stay here with you boy things just couldn't be the same_

_Cause I'm as free as a bird now _

_and this bird you'll never chain_

_Lord know's I can't change_

_Fly high Freebird_

__Buffy drove to L.A. that night knowing her life could change with just a few words. She just hoped she knew the right ones. 


	2. Tears in heaven

Tears in Heaven:

_Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?_

_Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?_

_I must be strong _

_And carry on Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven_

_ _

_ _

Spike sat in his beat up black Desoto thinking about all of the things that he could have, should have, done to Buffy years ago. He should have killed her when he had the chance Halloween night instead of letting her innocent eyes convince him to just toy with her an let her live that awful night.

_Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?_

_Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?_

_I'll find my way through night and day _

_'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven._

_ _

He should have killed the witch and the whelp that night when he'd kidnapped them to make a love spell for Dru. But no he hadn't been able to kill them when the little girl had looked up at him with those damn puppy dog eyes. Then there was that day not to long ago when he'd had the Gem of Amara on his finger and could have bit The Slayer just like that without even thinking about it, but had he? No he'd let Buffy'stears turn him into a mass of blubbering mush and had let her go without even trying to kill her. 

_Time can bring you down; time can bend your knees._

_Time can break your heart have you begging please,_

_Begging please._

_ _

Then there came the day not to long ago when Spike realized that he loved Buffy despite the fact that they were mortal enemys and for all intents and purposes supposed to be trying to kill each other. Oh sure he had tried to tell himself that it was only the chip that made him think all of these crazy things but he knew the truth that he was butt crazy head over heels in love with one Elizabeth Marie Summers known to the world as Buffy. He knew her real name only because Joyce liked him enough to understand that he didn't mean her daughter any harm when he asked why the hell she would give her child a bloody stupid name like Buffy?He wanted to hate her god knows he did but when then he looked at her and was drawn in by her beautiful green eyes and her gorgeous blond hair and he was lost.

_Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,_

_And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven._

Over the weeks he'd come to realize that she was his peace, she was the one thing that could help him sleep at night. So he'd started watching, he would stand outside by the old oak tree and watch as she left the house each night, then he would follow her as she patrolled, killing more of his own kind then even he cared to admit. Then he would follow her home and watch as she crawled in through her window as she had been doing every night since she was sixteen then wait for the light to go off so that he could crawl up on the roof and through the blackness of the night watch Buffy sleep. Then when he'd least expected it she'd started coming to him. Oh at first it was just to find out how he'd killed the other two slayers, but then one night they'd started dancing and that too became a nightly ritual. Then one night she'd run out on even that, so he'd left unable to deal with only watching her from afar. 

_Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?_

_Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?_

_I must be strong and carry on._

_Because I know I don't belong here in heaven._

_ _

So here he was in L.A. listening to the C.D. he'd stolen from Brood Boy during his last trip out there and actually liking the melancholy song that was playing. Bloody hell that was a surprise, so he hit stop and just sat there letting the sounds of silence flow over him hoping that his sacrifice was for Buffy's own good and that she would be happy without him there.

Lyrics by: Eric Clappton


	3. Bed of Roses

__

__

_Bed of Roses_

_Disclaimor:I own nothing I know nothing_

_Lyrics by: _ Jon Bon Jovi__

_Thanks to: _ Shelley for listening to my incessant rambling about what I did to him. 

* * * * * __

_Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano_

_Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don't know_

_Cause a bottle of vodka's still lodged in my head_

_And some blond gave me nightmares I think that she's still in my bed As I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead_

Buffy and Dawn were driving along the highway towards Angel Investigations, the car was quiet since for once Buffy wasn't fighting with her little sister about one thing or another. Buffy was consumed with thoughts of Spike and Angel and how she was going to break the news to the former love of her life that she was in love with the childe whom Angel had more than once admitted was his favorite. 

" Buffy are you with us Buffy?" Dawn asked wiping the sleep out of her eyes. 

" Yeah I'm here I was just thinking about...." 

" Spike I know." Dawn sighed knowing that once she got her sister started Buffy would never shut up about this newest love of her life. 

" Hey how did you know that?" Buffy asked sharply never once taking her eyes off the road. 

" Well considering he was all you have been writing about in your diary for the last three weeks, it's the logical conclusion to come to." Dawn informed her nonchalantly knowing that her sister would explode. 

" You've been reading my diary haven't you Dawn those thoughts are PRIVATE !" Buffy screamed her voice going up two or three octaves in her anger. 

" Well you know as well as I do that if leave your diary lying in an obvious place like under your mattress you're asking for it to be read!" Dawn argued trying to control her giggles. 

" NO I am not you little brat I'm going to tell mom when we get home and you're going to get into a lot of trouble!" Buffy threatened as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ears. 

" Yeah yeah yeah you know as well as I do that I won't get into trouble," Dawn replied snidely as she pulled a Harry Potter book out of her back pack and began to read. 

" How can you read that junk?" Buffy grumbled " It's so fake?" 

" Oh and having an older sister who's supposed to kill vampires and demons is to terribly realistic?" Dawn asked as she went back to her book. 

Buffy drove on as she let the words of the song by one of her favorite bands Bon Jovi flow through her mind. 

_With an ironclad fist I wake up and french kiss the morning,_

_While some marching band keeps it's own beat in my head while we're talking_

_About all the things I long to believe_

_About love, the truth, and what you mean to me_

_And the truth is baby you're all that I need_

Buffy thought about the things that were supposed to be home truths to her, one of them being that like Dawn had said she was a slayer she was supposed to kill vampires not sleep with them. Oh sure she hadn't known that Angel was a vampire when she'd fallen in love with him, but when she did find out he was a vampire she should have staked him there and then, it would have saved her so much heart ache what with Angel turning into Angelus and trying to make a hell on earth. 

But she hadn't she'd let him live and he'd brought Spike and Drucilla into her life. Oh she'd hated Spike at first because he wouldn't let her live peace and had tried to kill all of her friends then because he'd come back when the one person who was supposed to love her above all else hadn't. 

_I wanna lay you down on a bed of roses_

_For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails_

_I wanna be just as close as the holy ghost is_

_And lay you down on a bed of roses,_

While Buffy was driving towards L.A. Spike was walking through the doors of Angel Investigations. 

" Peaches I'm home!" Spike yelled walking into the office who's welcome in sign gave him all the permission he needed to enter.   
He saw Cordelia sitting there looking for all the world like she had nothing better to do than sit there and paint her nails and look like the queen she thought herself to be. 

" Spike what the hell are you doing here?" She asked surprise evident in her features, she would have thought that after the whole Jewel of Amarra thing Spike would steer clear of Angel. 

" Well I need the great poof to do me a favor." Spike told her as he looked her up and down and finally decided that one Slayer was worth a thousand Cordys. 

" Angel doesn't work for evil or didn't you know that already?" Cordy taunted her brown eyes filling with hatred she remembered all of the trouble and pain Spike had put Angel through the last time and she wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy. 

" I'm not evil or haven't you heard about the way that bloody chip has neutered me?" Spike asked running long fingers through his bleached blond hair. 

" Yeah I'd heard about that but the last thing we heard was that you had sold Buffy down the river to that Adam guy." Cordelia snapped hoping that Gunn or Angel would get there soon, she couldn't help but wonder though why she hadn't gotten one of her mind numbing visions as Doyle had liked to call them, they would have been really useful right about now. 

" That was a little while go wasn't it pet, oh well. We patched things up a while back and now I am back to loyally fighting on the side of good. So any ways like I asked is the poof around?" Spike badgered the girl impatiently he had to know if his sire knew of a spell to make someone forget, cause if Angel did he was going to have the man perform the spell on Buffy to make her forget that Spike ever existed, he thought that maybe if Buffy didn't know he was around then he could get on with the business of trying to forget her. 

Cordelia just nodded towards the stairs and decided to let Spike deal with Angel's wrath on his own. 

_Well I'm so far away each step that I take's on my way home_   
_Kings ransom in dimes I give each night to see through this pay phone_   
_Still I run out of time or it's hard to get through_   
_'Til the bird on the wire flies me back to you I'll just close my eye's_   
_And whisper Baby blind love is true._

Angel looked up from the book he was reading in shock when he realized that Spike was standing in his doorway. "What do you want Spike?" He sneered his deep blue eye's filling with suspicion. He knew that Spike would never visit him with out some ulterior motive. 

"Well sire I was wondering if you knew of a spell that could make someone forget a lost love?" Spike asked his mannerisms uncharacteristically meek. 

" Since when do you want to forget Dru? I thought she was the love of your life?" The older man asked eyes filling with intrigue. 

" I don't want to forget anyone I want to make someone forget me." Spike grumbled hating to have to admit this to the one person he would rather kill himself than admit weakness to. 

" Who?" Angel asked, he had a bad feeling about the whole thing this man was not acting like the Spike he had lived with for one hundred years. 

" Buffy?" Spike sighed then stood back and watched as his sires face went from anger to disbelief to hatred and back to anger again. 

" Why so you can kill her?" Angel asked his eyes glittering like diamonds in the night. 

" No you see the slayer and I started to get along and then we started dancin' and bloody hell I don't have to explain this to you I'm goin' to the witch and that's all there is to it!" Spike grumbled turning to walk out of the room. 

" Stay!" Angel commanded.   
  
" You bloody wanker what the 'ell do you think you're doin' invokin' that right on me after all these years!" Spike cursed the accent in his voice going from a melodic lilt to a full blown 1808 South Londan dialect. 

" It comes in handy those times when you really need to talk to someone." Angel laughed standing up from the bed. " You know as well as I do that ignoring the order of your sire, even one with a soul, carries a penalty of death." 

" Yeah I bloody well know that, but guess what I don't care." Spike bit out then explained " when one of the only two people you have ever loved has told you that you're beneath them and that they would never love you then you can tell me you care." 

With those words Spike stalked out the door, out of the room then out of the building. It was midnight so he didn't have to worry about daylight for a while yet. He stalked around the town of Los Angeles and the words to the chorus of that bloody pop song that Buffy played incessantly ran through his head. 

_I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses_

_For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails, _

_I wanna be just as close as your holy ghost is _

_And lay you down on a bed of roses._

__

__Buffy was blinded by the lights as she drove into the city limits of L.A., Dawn on the other hand hadn't said a word since Orange County and Buffy had pretty much assumed she'd fallen asleep. She pulled off of the highway and drove through the city to the apartment her father has bought with his portion of the money from the divorce. "That's funny he's not home." Buffy mumbled when she didn't see the Viper her father had been driving since she was seven or eight. 

" Why are we at Dad's?" Dawn asked a little confused she thought they were supposed to be going to Angel Investigations, not to their father's. 

" Well I thought I would leave you here with Dad while I went to look for Spike so that I didn't have to look after you." Buffy admitted a little sheepishly. She didn't want to have to watch over Dawn all the time, Dawn was the Key and even though they didn't know exactly what that meant to the well-being of earth, they knew that was a little important. 

" Buffy I can look after myself I am thirteen after all," Dawn whined she didn't understand why her mother and sister thought they had to look after her all of the time. She was thirteen, while all of her friends were exploring the world of boys, make-up and kissing, she was being kidnapped and chained to rocks by her sisters wacked out enemies. 

" I know you can look out for youself, but I also know that mom would feel better if you were with Dad and not out traipsing all over the city looking for Spike with me." Buffy explained trying not to sound like she was talking down to her little sister. 

" Whatever!" Dawn muttered rolling her eyes. 

Buffy went back to driving, a little nervous because even though she had lived in Los Angles for the better part of sixteen years she'd never driven the streets before. She was used to Sunnydale where a traffic jam was the equivalent of two cars getting into a fender bender in the middle of an intersection and Mr. Stout was late for an appointment at the bank. Just then Buffy saw two headlights barriling towards her seemingly out of no where. Everything seemed to slip into slow motion, she heard the moan of steel being crushed and the eerily melodic tinkle of broken glass. The acrid smell of smoke filled the interior of the car and Dawn's screams seemed to break through the night like the moaning of the dead. The last thought Buffy had before the world went completely black was " I wonder if this is what it feels like to die?" 

_Now as you close your eyes know I'll be thinking about you _

_While my mistress she calls me to stand in her spotlight again,_

_Tonight I won't be alone but you know that don't mean I'm not lonely._

_I've got nothing to prove for it's you that I'd die to defend_

_Chorus_

_And lay you down in a bed of roses....._

__

_To be continued..........._


End file.
